


Stay the night

by ElanSnow21, shouldigayorshouldigo



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow & Related Fandoms
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:01:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25576252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElanSnow21/pseuds/ElanSnow21, https://archiveofourown.org/users/shouldigayorshouldigo/pseuds/shouldigayorshouldigo
Summary: Everything ends. Simon has saved the world, at the loss of his magic. He killed the Mage and got the boy. Nothing could go wrong, could it? Well... Simon may have won the war, but is he ready to suffer through the personal battle?
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Kudos: 20





	1. Chapter 1

**SIMON**

I can’t sleep again. I’m scared of what’s going to happen this time. I have nightmares all the time, and they’re honestly quite stupid. Baz and Penny wouldn’t understand. There’s just no way they could! They look fine all time, always smiling at me. Baz kissing my forehead and touching my hair. I can’t bear it! I feel like I’m the only one that’s crazy, that I’m a burden that either of them could drop at any moment. I feel like I’m constantly on the edge. This needs to stop. 

I don’t want to close my eyes. I’m tired but I don’t really want to sleep. I’m too scared.

I try not to think about the nightmares that are bound to come. I try to push the image of The Mage lying on the floor with his bloody hands out of my head. I try not to think about the Humdrum, or about the mess I am even without my magic. I hear echoes of Penny screaming and Baz fighting the moment my eyes close. I can feel myself thrashing, sweat on my forehead and neck. I don’t know what to do anymore. I just can’t sleep. I don’t know if I ever will. 

I open my eyes. My fists are closed at my sides, so I open them carefully, feeling how all my muscles relax. Tears are running down on my cheeks. I clean my face with the pillow.

The window is open, it's cold. My face is getting cold, my whole body is getting cold. I’m alone in my room. Baz is with his family tonight, doing whatever it is the Pitch’s do. I’m alone with all my stupid thoughts, my head is noisy with everything that I’m trying to escape from. I don’t know how to make it stop, and even if I did, it would probably cause pain. My thoughts can drive me crazy and I get sentimental. The feelings control me and my brain doesn’t hold. 

I’m a mess. Honestly, is anyone surprised? I’m crying in bed, squeezing a pillow, frozen solid, and trying to get my shit together. I’m not usually like this, at least that’s what I tell myself. I don’t let the things hurt me. I‘ve survived almost seven years with a boy always telling me that I’m a mess. I fought a chimera, goblins, and the Humdrum. THIS is what breaks me? My nightmares? My own MIND?! Why now? Why ME?

My hands are hidden under the pillow. My head hurts and my eyes are tired but I don’t want to close them.

It's late, I should do something if I can’t sleep. Keeping myself distracted might help a little. Calm me down I guess. Maybe just watch some tv and eat something. I need to get out of bed.

I sit up look at my feet. I clean my face again, trying to get out of this melancholy funk. All the lights are off and I don’t need to turn them on. More so, I don’t care to. I walk out of my room to the living room. I move my hands over the couch and side table, looking for the remote control. I find it and turn on the tv. I certainly can eat something now. Even through the dark I see a cup on the counter, so I fill it with milk. At first I went reaching for the tub of butter, then hesitated. Baz had told me earlier that “Eating butter is bad for you Snow. You could DIE FROM IT!” I specifically remember him putting effort in the last three words, for effect of course. I laugh a little, thinking of Baz and his ridiculous acting. Instead, I reach for the cookies. 

I lie on the sofa with the cookies in my lap. There’s nothing on the tv at three of the morning, so I’m watching She-Ra on Netflix. Baz wanted to watch it, but quickly realized it might trigger some bad memories. It’s about a girl who has to fulfill a prophecy. She has a sword and magic to do so, but she has to choose between her old friend she knew since birth.... or the prophecy. Sound familiar? Baz doesn’t like it anymore, and he says I shouldn’t watch it. I like it. 

Moments later the cookies box is already empty and I need to pee. Stupid milk. 

The room is illuminated from the tv. It's just me and the tv, not thinking, not sleeping. 

What Baz would say? Does he still love me? He said that he chose me. He’s always aroud but it's not the same. Maybe he’s tired of me, of my mess. He has a pretty smile and beautiful dark hair. He is my boyfriend and that's fine, I mean, I’m not gay or straight (that's one of the things I don’t think about). But Baz.... I feel like I’m not even half good enough... I mean Baz is this great guy. He’s charming and smart and he has a PURPOSE! But me.. I’m just Simon “good for nothing” Snow. Baz must stay because he feels obligated to. There’s no other reason. 

Baz would be ashamed. Look at me, lying on the sofa, in pajamas, watching a cartoon at dawn. 

The sun is coming through the window. I should be able to finish She-Ra before he gets home. He’ll never have to know. 

I hear people walking down the hallway. Wonderful, others are awake at the crack of dawn being productive and I’m here binging a children’s show. 

Baz is coming soon. I should probably change and actually get myself together. Maybe we can go somewhere or just stay here and watch something else. Maybe Baz will be in the mood for nothing. 

I hear Baz shuffle outside the door about an hour later. The door unlocks and I shift to face the door from the couch. I never changed my clothes. And I sure didn’t get myself together. 

"Morning, love!" he calls over to me. "What are you watching?" he walks to the kitchen leaving the bag on the table.

"She-Ra" I say standing up and streching my back muscles with my hands up. He looks at me, disappointed. “Simon... maybe you shouldn’t-“ I cut him off “What did you buy?!” I say. 

"Ice cream, tea, popcorn..... butter.” He says, the She-Ra problem forgotten. "Are you hungry?" he looks at me with a smile. 

"Yes" I smile back "I can eat something." 

My smile must not have been as genuine as I thought it was, because Baz stops and takes my face in his hands. “Simon, how much sleep did you get?” My smile wavers. 


	2. Chapter 2

**BAZ**

At first, Simon looks fine. I choose to ignore the fact that he’s awake at six am by choice, hoping there is a reasonable explanation. I drop my bag and call over to Simon. He sounds fine. There isn’t a sad tone to his voice. His eyes aren’t red or puffy. But the moment I take his face in my hands, I realized something is wrong.

Considering I spent most of yesterday afternoon with my family, I was quite tired. Yes I did get some sleep, and yes I did drink (not in the way you’re used too) but still. My family doesn’t see me often anymore, and I guess they.... missed me? Daphne had planned activities for us to do as a family! Something was a bit strange, but I couldn’t put my finger on it.

I guess I could blame my being tired as the reason I didn’t get the hint something was wrong. Simon isn’t a morning person, and that should’ve been a big clue.

“Simon, how much sleep did you get?” I ask gently. His smile starts to slide off his face, and I see the bags under his eyes more clearly. “I uh... got a few hours..?” He says it like a question, as if he isn’t sure. I sigh. “Oh. Why not more? You look tired.” His face starts to droop a little, and I hold him up so he doesn’t fall. “I... I couldn’t sleep.... I wasn’t... tired.” He stammers. If there is anyone who wears his emotions on his sleeve, it’s Simon. I can see right through the lie, and know that something is definitely going on.

Talk to me Simon Snow, smile with those blue eyes and let me hold your face for a while. 

“Alright well let me get you something to eat, and we’ll talk about.... this.” 

“Baz, you don’t have to. I told you, I just couldn’t sleep okay? Everything’s fine. I’m fine. Just hungry that’s all.”

“Simon, no. I can tell something is wrong and I want to help. If you can’t sleep then I can’t either. Tell me what’s wrong so I can help you!”

“Bazzzz no!”

“Simon! Let me help you! I am here now!”

“I DON’T NEED YOUR HELP!

“THEN WHY DO YOU LOOK LIKE ABSOLUTE SHIT RIGHT NOW? WHY AREN’T YOU ASLEEP?”

“BECAUSE OF THE FUCKING NIGHTMARES!!”

Simon and I both get increasingly louder as the conversation gets more and more heated. Both of us have lost it. Once he says he’s been having nightmares, I stay silent for a while. Then I remember the bag of groceries and pull out the tub of ice cream. Cherry flavour. I take two spoons out of the drawer, and slide the tub in front of Simon. He’s calmed down a bit, and he’s sitting on top of the kitchen table. I sit next to him, also on top, and we eat ice cream for a while.

The sounds of She-Ra playing in the background annoys me, so I turn off Netflix and go to YouTube instead. Since we’re having a quiet moment, I put on Harry Styles ‘Fine Line’ to play (yes, I love Harry Styles, he is cool and handsome) Once it starts playing, I turn down the volume and return to my spot beside Simon. Everything is calm.

_I don’t want to fight you._


	3. Chapter 3

**SIMON**

Fine line is playing while we eat ice cream. I don't hate Harry Styles (he has good songs and I understand why Baz likes him). He dresses like Baz, with the fancy suits and all. 

I can't look at Baz's face, but that’s not his fault. He’s too good for me. I don't need to think about it because everything has gone quiet. He’s here, beside me, where everything is going to be okay. _“I am here now"._ Maybe that's all I need. 

We already ate half the tub of ice cream and nobody has said a word. Baz turn his face to me a few times, but doesn't say anything. Or do anything. He just looks at me and then turns his face to the ice cream again. I don't want to talk about the nightmares because I don't want any other reason for him to pity me. My mess is not his mess. 

I eat the last ice cream if the ice cream, and as soon I put the spoon on the table, Baz turns to me. 

"Simon..." he wraps his arm around me, around my shoulders “please... what happened?" I turn my face to him.

"Everything... Baz, you don't have to worry about this" I set a hand on his leg "It's just...nightmares" his grey eyes focus on mine.

"Tell me about them... if you want too" I don't want too. “Simon, love, I’m here." He presses our foreheads together, and a warmth sprouts in my stomach.

"I don't think you can help.” We’re both staying calm, there won’t be any yelling this time.

"I certanly can try.” He holds my hand and squeezes my shoulder "Come on lets sit on the couch.”

He stands up, holding my hand, and I follow him to the living room. We sit on the couch, my head laying on Baz’s lap. I stare at the dark tv screen. His eyes moves over my face and catch my eyes.

"Baz..." I say softly “No..”

"Well we can talk about it later, I’ll be here all the day" he smiles at me "lets's watch something" I try very hard to smile back.

"Really? Can we watch She-Ra?" His hands leave my face and take the remote control instead. 

"Fine. But just one episode. Then we can watch Atypical!" 

WHAT?! “NOO! I don't like Atypical!" I try to reach for the remote, but Baz is too quick and realizes what I’m going to do. He jumps up, knocking my face out of his lap. I also get up, my heart beating fast. I leap onto the couch, and considering Baz hasn’t moved far from me, I tackle him to the ground. I hear the wind getting knocked out of his chest and I come down, and laugh.

“Can’t stop me Baz! And we are NOT watching Atypical!”

"It's intersting! She-Ra is a CHILDREN’S CARTOON SIMON!” He says, flailing his arms too stop me from grabbing the remote. 

"What about that?! She’s cool and one episode of your precious Atypical lasts an hour! She-Ra lasts 20 minutes!" I set my head on Baz's shoulder, sagging in defeat and feeling a wave of tiredness wash over my body. 

Baz looks at me, and laughs “Given up already Snow?” he says. His laugh turns into a smirk. As a last ditch effort to get the remote, I tug violently on Baz’s shirt sleeve. He doesn’t see this coming, so his hand was loosely around the remote, and when I tugged on his shirt, it went flying across the room.

“SIMON NO!” Baz yells.

“SIMON YES!” I yell back, smiling.

Considering I was on top, I get to the remote faster than Baz and hold onto it with my life, shoving it under my shirt as well.

Baz is standing in front of me with a smile.

"I think I won!” He just sits on the couch. "And you, Basilton Pitch, just lost.” I set my head on his lap again, taking out the remote.

"I let you.” He says crossing his arms. 

"Sure" I say, laughing. 

I select She-ra and as soon as the episode starts, Baz runs his hands in my hair. I feel his fingers tangle my curls. Nobody talks or moves, sometimes I laugh and Baz groans but everything is in silence. 

I’m glad he did insist about the nightmares. I feel like I could fall asleep here in his lap with his hands in my hair, but I force myselt to stay awake and enjoy the moment. Even if he doesn’t like She-Ra, I catch him smiling at the tv. I leave the remote control on the floor.

He slides his hands to my face squeezing my cheek, so I take his hands and look up him. He is staring at me with a beautiful smile, his eyes shining under the tv light, his dark hair falling over his neck and shoulders. He is so fucking perfect. I love him. He kisses my forehead softly and then he moves to my cheeks, kissing me like he hasn’t in a while. Actually, it has been a while. I close my eyes and start giggling. He kisses my face, giggling with me. Then he stops and I open my eyes, he’s closer trying to catch my eyes. 

After the battle he used to sleep with me and kissed me every night. Even thought I miss it now... I told him to stop. He was very understanding about it and he gave me space. 

Space is the last thing I need now, but I can't kiss him just like that. After having been a dork the whole time, I can't just act like nothing is wrong. I really want to kiss him right now....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We hope you liked chapter 3!!! Just wanted to say thanks for the kudos!! <3


	4. Chapter 4

**BAZ**

My eyes are glued to Simon's face. I’m waiting (more like hoping and praying) for a sign or something that tells me I can kiss him without ruining everything. His eyes moves over my face. 

Why do you always make a mess when i try to kiss you, Simon Snow? When you are this close, breathing on my face, staring at me with those beautiful blue eyes. I can't kiss him if he doesn't want me to. I kissed him before and I really miss it. He’s smiling now. What if I kiss him and only make things worse? We haven't talked about his nightmares or how I can help with them. Not enough that I know he’ll be okay. I don't want to just kiss him and act like everything is fine. I don't want to kiss him and then see his tired eyes tomorrow. I want true smiles like this. 

I can't bear it so I just close my eyes. Maybe the moment will pass. Maybe Simon will fall asleep and I can watch him. That will sooth my feelings a little. That will help with the constant battle between what I want and what I should do. 

But then, in true Simon fashion, he kisses me. As always, I am weak at the touch of his lips, and he slide his hands to my shoulders and I take his face between my hands. He pushes me back against the end of the couch so I’m sitting up. I miss this. I miss this so much, and I won’t let go. I will never let go. He’s moved onto my lap so I’m holding his back with both hands. I hold him close, and his heat sinks into my cold body. He leaves my mouth and looks at me. I smile and he smiles back.

He sets his head on my shoulder and at first I think he’s giggling. When I look at him again, I realize he’s crying. I hug his whole body close and we just stay like that. I let him cry until he starts shaking, then I kiss his head and tilt his chin up to look at me.

"Hey," I whisper "it's okay"

"No..." he says, voice full of shame, " I’m sorry, Baz.... for dragging you into this! I’m causing you pain... and you don’t deserve to feel it!" He sounds so sad that it breaks my heart. 

"It's not your fault and you didn’t drag me into anything.” His arms are still around my neck, holding tight. "I fell for you by choice Simon. Because I chose you.”

"No, my mess is not your mess.”

"You can’t change the feelings I have. I am your terrible boyfriend, do you remember?” He looks up at me, hopeful this time "And you’re mine. My terrible boyfriend.” I laugh as I say it, and Simon’s face brightens considerably. 

"You don't have to... stay with me, you know." He says, tears trickling down his cheeks. 

"But I want to.” 

He tries smile. That's all I want, him talking to me.

"So... what can I do?" I say wiping the last of his tears away. 

"Can you... stay the night?" he smiles and takes my face with his hand.

"Of course" he leans to my shoulder again. 

Everything is a mess, but we have each other. (cheesy, I know, but very true)

She-Ra is on the tv. I don't really like it but Simon needs this. One of the characters, Catra, is okay. 

One of Simon’s hands are wrapped under my stomach. My arms are around him, on his back. We’re sort of lying on each other, my back against the couch and his pointing to the ceiling. His hair smells like honey or butter. 

We stay like that, as I remember the fact that he asked me to stay over at his place for tonight. It’s been so long since we slept together, and I feel a warmth sprout in my stomach. As a vampire, this rarely happens. Of course, Simon is the reason it happens to me.

I look down at him, and I hear his steady breathing. He fell asleep. It’s only 7am, but he only slept an hour or two, so this makes sense. 

I listen to my love breathing, his face has gone soft and he looks like a child. Seeing him like this makes me so happy. 

Whether Simon likes it or not, I found a way to help him. I just had to stay the night. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that’s a wrap folks! We hope you liked it, as we had fun making it! 
> 
> <3


End file.
